Being More Lighthouse
Ross Wilson — April 2022
“There are two things that must be rooted out in human beings — arrogant opinion and mistrust. Arrogant opinion expects that there is nothing further to learn, and mistrust assumes that under the torrent of circumstance there can be no happiness.” — Epictetus, Discourses, 3.14.8
In April 2021 I wrote Be More Lighthouse, it was my initial thoughts on transitioning out of the military after 27 years of Service. In it I gathered my thoughts on how the military had shaped me and how I visualised the way forward. The mantra ‘Be more lighthouse’ was about being who I was, approaching this new life with the same values and standards instilled in me as a Royal Marine. Whilst being able to adapt to the new situation and thrive. A year on how has that worked out? Was holding on to my convictions a realistic methodology or was I being an idealistic fool.
If the Commando values were to be my guiding principles, then who makes a good Royal Marine. I can with some confidence say that I have no idea! There are those that are well read and those that can barely read. Some that were professional athletes and those that had crisp packets for lungs. Those from privileged backgrounds and others from broken homes. Those from cities and those raised in the countryside, Welsh, Irish, Scots, English, Canadian, South African, Australian. The list goes on with every mix of all that can be imaged. It’s attitude that makes a good Royal Marine. The individual who is cold, wet, and tired but will help another complete a task so they can both rest. The person that will keep going, will see something through to the end. The person that will do what’s right even if it’s detrimental to themselves and the person that looks for the positive in any situation and the solution to a problem. They are often the most unlikely and unassuming of people.
If I can’t with any confidence give a stereotypical example of a good Royal Marine, I can say what makes a bad one. It’s the one that makes the most noise, bragging in a bar trying to impress anyone that will listen. The one that would belittle someone rather than help them, usually this is to hide their own inadequacies. They’re the ones that are too arrogant to learn from others. There are bad Royal Marines, I can look back and think of times where I could’ve been better. Fortunately, the good ones by far outweigh the bad and the bad ones are generally shown the error of their ways at some point, come good or leave.
So, my approach to life would remain unchanged in a bid to be a good civilian. However, when part of something like the Royal Marines you are representing and serving an institution that is bigger than yourself. When you leave it, you must do what is best for you. An element of selfishness, an erosion of those guiding principles. From the beginning then there was unavoidable change.
The initial months after getting out of uniform were brilliant. I had the freedom to do what I liked with my days. Whilst on terminal leave, I was still being paid as a Serviceman. I used this time to take those tentative steps into business, to network, and let people know I was available for other opportunities. What those opportunities where I wasn’t fully sure myself. I did know that I wanted new experiences, to break away from the military and learn new things. Whilst doing this I took the opportunity to do what I loved, getting into the mountains, running, spending time outdoors and importantly spending time with my family. An area in my life that had been neglected. Being home all the time now was a big change for them too.
Eventually my focus had to turn to earning a living. Unsurprisingly, I am not a natural businessman and would often think to myself, I’ve no business being in business. It was new, it was confusing, I made lots of mistakes, I reflected and learned, it was a process, and I enjoyed the process even if it was often frustrating. Spending time, effort, and resources into developing opportunities with often no return. At times I felt overwhelmed and despondent. I recognised these feeling immediately and would do something about it. Whenever I let my emotions lead my thoughts nothing good happened. Remaining calm and consistent to my base principles would always help find the path I needed to follow. Cheerfulness in adversity, I often say that no situation is made worse by putting a smile on your face. That simple act would lift my mood. Maybe only by a fraction but I was now marginally better than before. Small improvements can make a big difference. It can give you a different perspective or the energy to keep going, to take that next step. Every situation has a positive, it’s always there if you look for it. Where something wasn’t working, I didn’t blame the world, I examined what I was doing and what needed to change. Was there a different way to overcome an obstacle? There was always something else that could be done, another way to try.
I spent a lot of time alone. For me that isn’t a problem in fact it’s something I need. Support was always at hand if I needed it from family and close friends. By following and trusting the process, gradually opportunities presented themselves, I’d say ‘Yes’ and work out how to do it later. More importantly if I didn’t have the time or the resources to help, I’d say ‘No’. Often, it’s been ‘feast and famine’, long periods of anxiety inducing nothingness, followed by the agony of choice. Having choice is a good problem to have but it means having to let someone down. I’ve learnt that gut instinct is rarely wrong and that a ‘No’ now generally simply mean ‘not right now’. Situations often change unexpectedly, being honest and genuine with others is appreciated. People will come back to you or will welcome you back on that reputation alone.
There was a period where I was enjoying being involved in fulfilling work, the people I was with offered the reassurance of similar backgrounds but there were also others from completely different walks of life, they had knowledge and experience I could learn from. Unfortunately, there was a clash of values in the operational delivery. Both, parties tried extensively to resolve it, but it wasn’t to be. although a financially lucrative contract I wasn’t prepared to risk my reputation any further. Money only lasts a finite amount of time, reputation is enduring.
‘You are never wrong to do the right thing.’ Mark Twain.
A year on I am still working it out, still following the process. I have maintained those guiding principles and set good habits to compliment the situation I happen to find myself in. Personal values differ but being true to yourself brings a peace of mind. Humility is one of those values. Having the humility to admit I was wrong or when new information meant I needed to change my mind has been one of the most important.
As I write this, life is comfortable, if anything too comfortable. I have a steady income and I get to do things I want to do, have new experience in new places and meet new people. Once again though that is at a cost to time with my family, I am fortunate that they, especially my wife, continue to support me. I may maintain the values instilled in me, but I am yet to find the same satisfaction and fulfilment that Service life gave me. I accept that I may never, whilst remaining thankful that I had that opportunity to do so . However, I’ll resolve to continue looking for it, ready for whatever life throws at me in the process and I’ll do it with a smile on my face.
